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Audition Information
Click the link below for more information about what to expect with our upcoming production of
ALICE IN WONDERLAND
by: Randy Wyatt
Based on the book by Lewis Carroll
/uploaded/faculty/msouza/ALICE_IN_WONDERLAND_AUDITION_PACKET.pdf
Alice in Wonderland
Audition Sides
Side #1: Alice
ALICE: Well! After such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they’ll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn’t say anything about it, even if I feel off the top of the house!
A glass table. And a key. Now where would...oh! A tiny door with a tiny keyhole! But how could anyone ever fit through there? What’s this?
(picking up a tiny bottle) “Drink me.” It’s all very well to say, “Drink me” but I will check to see if it is marked “poison” first.
No. Well then.
Curious. Tastes like...roast turkey...toffee...pineapple...buttered toast...OH.
I must be shutting up like a telescope. Oh! I do hope I stop soon, or I might go out altogether, like a flame on a candle. There. I’m the right size for the door! But now I am so small...how will i do anything? I can’t even reach the key.
“Eat me.” Well, I’ll eat it. And whether it makes me grow to get the key, or small enough to slide under the tiny door, I don't much care which.
(starts to grow) Dear, dear! How queer everhting is today! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? But if I’m not the same, the next question is, who in the world am I?
Side #2: Cheshire Cat and Alice
ALICE: ...Can you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
CAT: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
ALICE: I don’t much care where.
CAT: Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.
ALICE: So long as I get somewhere.
CAT: Oh, you’re sure to do that if only you walk long enough.
(Cat’s grin separates from cat and floats above)
ALICE: What sort of people live around here?
CAT: In this direction...lives a Hatter. And in THIS direction...lives a March hare. Visit either you like. They’re both mad.
ALICE: But I don’t want to go about mad people.
CAT: Oh, you can’t help that. We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.
ALICE: How do you know I’m mad?
CAT: You must be or you wouldn’t have come here.
ALICE: How do you know you’re mad?
CAT: To begin with, a dog’s not mad. You grant that?
ALICE: I suppose so.
CAT: Well, then, a dog growls when it’s angry, and wags its tail when it’s pleased. Now I growl when I’m pleased, and wag my tail when I’m angry. Therefore I’m mad.
ALICE: I call it purring, not growling.
CAT: Call it what you like. Do you play croquet with the Queen today?
ALICE: I should like it very much, but I haven’t been invited yet.
CAT: You’ll see me there.
Side #3: Mad Hatter and March Hare
ALICE: What is that? That poem! What is it?
HATTER: Nothing!
HARE: Absolutely nothing.
HATTER: Absolutely nothing.
HARE: Nothing at all.
ALICE: It must be something.
HATTER: Just a trifle I made up.
HARE: Gone like smoke.
DORMOUSE (In his sleep): Twas brillig, and the slithy toves -
ALICE: He just said -
HATTER AND MARCH HARE: No room! No room!
ALICE: There’s PLENTY of room!
(an awkward pause)
HARE: Have some wine.
ALICE: I don’t see any wine.
HARE: There isn’t any.
ALICE: Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it.
HARE: It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down without being invited.
ALICE: Your table is laid for a great many more than three.
HATTER: Your hair wants cutting.
ALICE: You should learn not to make personal remarks. It’s very rude.
HATTER: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
ALICE: Come, we shall have some fun now! A riddle! I believe I can guess that.
HARE: Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?
ALICE: Exactly so.
HARE: Then you should say what you mean.
ALICE: I do, at least - at least i mean what I say - that’s the same thing, you know.
HATTER: Not the same thing a bit! You might just as well say that “I see what I eat: is the same thing as “I eat what I see.”
HARE: You might as well say, that “I like what I get” is the same thing as “I get what I like!”
DORMOUSE: You might as well say, that “I breathe when I sleep” is the same thing as “I sleep when I breathe!”
HATTER: It IS the same thing with you. SWITCH!!!
Side #4: Queen of Hearts/Duchess
QUEEN OF HEARTS: It’s far too warm. Your shirt is wrinkled. Don’t smirk at me. Off with your head! I’m tired of walking. The earth should spin in my direction. I’m the Queen. Places I want to go should come to me. Stand up straight. Don’t look at me. Only three of you? Stupid grass. Who’s responsible? Off with his head! You’re all trying my patience. Do what I say or it;s off with your head for the lot of you.
WHITE RABBIT: Her Majesty, the Queen.
QUEEN OF HEARTS: Louder, Rabbit. Out of my way! Incompetent fools. WHO IS THAT? IDIOTS. Who are you, child?
ALICE: My name is Alixe, so please Your Majesty.
QUEEN: And who are these?
ALICE: How should I know? It’s no business of mine.
QUEEN: Impertinent girl! Off with her head!
ALICE: Nonsense!
QUEEN: Off with her head! Off with her -
Side #5: White Rabbit
RABBIT: Oh my. Oh my, oh my.
ALICE: What is going on?
RABBIT: That’s the Knave of Hearts. He is accused of stealing tarts from the Royal Court.
ALICE: These tarts?
RABBIT: The very ones.
ALICE: They look delicious.
RABBIT: They’re evidence!
ALICE: They should hurry up the trial and pass out the refreshments.
RABBIT: And the judge, His Holiness. And come, there are the jurors.
ALICE: What are they writing?
RABBIT: I’ll look.
KING: Let us come to order.
RABBIT: They are all writing their names down, for fear they will forget them by the end of the trial.
ALICE: Stupid things!
JURORS: Stupid things.
KING: Silence in the Court! Herald, read the accusation.
RABBIT: The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
All on a summer day:
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts
And took them quite away!
KING: Consider your verdict.
JURORS: Guilty!
RABBIT: Not yet, not yet! There’s a great deal to come before that!
KING: If we must. Call the first witness.
RABBIT: First witness!
